HALFWAY THERE

21 days down, 21 to go in my meatless Lent challenge. My feast starts at sundown on Thursday, March 20. That's how the Roman Catholics do it and if it's good enough for Mel Gibson, it's good enough for me.

I still haven't decided what my first meat meal will be, but I'm positive it will be beef. Since Beau and I might be on the road headed to Florida at sundown on March 20, it may have to be something fast. Maybe something flame broiled? Maybe a Triple Whopper with cheese? Maybe two Triple Whoppers with cheese? Oh God, I can feel a meat hallucination coming on.

HERSHEY KISS CHALLENGE

Somehow Ian got ahold of the "World's Largest Hershey's Kiss" (a hollow chocolate kiss filled with 45 regular sized Kisses) and levied a challenge for me to eat it. Of course, I accepted the challenge. Like a dumbass.

The giant kiss is actually pretty heavy and packs a total of 5,670 calories. The small kisses only weigh in at 1,150 calories, for a combined 6,820 calories. Total weight: two pounds, 12 ounces of pure Hershey's chocolate. Altogether the meal packs 1,280 percent of my total daily allowance of saturated fat.

I have to figure out what my time limit will be. The world chocolate eating record is one pound, 15.5 ounces in 7 minutes by Pat Bertoletti. I'm thinking 20 minutes would be GREAT for me on this one, but 30 minutes is more likely. This is the first eating challenge in which the potential physical effects of the food actually scare me.

I ATTENDED A CATHOLIC WEDDING ONCE

I'm trying to figure out when Lent ends. Here's what I found, according to the Reverend Ken Collins:

"Lent begins on 6 February 2008 and ends on 22 March 2008, which is the day before Easter. In the Roman Catholic Church, Lent officially ends at sundown on 20 March (Holy Thursday), with the beginning of the mass of the Lord’s Supper."

In case you were doing the math and figured out that the period between February 6 and March 22 is actually more like 45 days (not 40), you were right. According to the Reverend, "We skip Sundays when we count the forty days, because Sundays commemorate the Resurrection." Extra days are awesome.

I do like the Roman Catholic Lent. They cut loose at dinnertime on Thursday the 20th. I might observe Roman Catholic Lent because, as chance would have it, Beau and I are planning a road trip starting that Thursday evening to Florida to catch a bunch of Spring Training baseball games. Yes, I am going to eat my weight in hot dogs that weekend.

14 DAYS DOWN, 26 MORE TO GO

Today for lunch, I ordered a Whopper with cheese, hold the meat. I told the kid taking my order that "I have a stupid request" and that "I lost a bet and can't eat meat for a month." Somehow lying was easier than admitting that I had given up meat voluntarily for Lent. The kid behind the register laughed. Really hard. He turned away and doubled over. I guess you really can "have it your way," but it doesn't absolve you from ridicule.

I put french fries on the Whopper. It tasted vaguely Whopper-like, but only vaguely.

"HOLD THE BACON"

Yesterday I went to lunch and uttered those three words. Words I never in a million years thought I'd say. It was a salad "smothered in Applewood smoked bacon." What I recieved was literally an intact half a head of lettuce on my plate, one sliced hard boiled egg and a container of ranch dressing. I almost cried.

Today I feel light headed and dizzy. Also headachey and slightly congested, so I'm blaming the wooziness on some sort of impending cold or flu. I've got to remember to take my multivitamins and eat more alternate sources of protein. I might order a Whopper tonight and take out the meat just to see if it satisfies my cravings.

IS IT EASTER YET?

I'm not going to turn this into my "Meatless Lent Blog," but I wanted to offer an update about my recent temptations of the flesh as I head into Day 12 of my 40 day trial.

On Friday, a group of us went to Cheeburger Cheeburger for lunch. A few members of the crew got one-pound burgers. Although there was a grilled cheese on the menu, I opted for the veggie burger and fries. I thought about upgrading it to a one-pound veggie burger, but I'm not sure my body could have handled that much flavorless mush.

I also ordered Chinese this weekend. You might not realize it until you're forced to eat vegetable fried rice, but those little pink cubes of pork in the standard fried rice really do add a lot of flavor to the meal. Mmmm...flavor.

VIDEO: BACKSTAGE AT WING BOWL

The video below was shot by me backstage in the Wachovia Center at Wing Bowl 16. What you see is, from beginning to end, the long and winding hallway that housed all the eater entourages as they waited for the start of Wing Bowl 16. This is the same hallway that gets traffic from the 76ers and Flyers players (who played there just 12 hours prior). Big Brian Subich's entourage was set up just outside the Sixers locker room.

My favorite parts of this video (in order): Pete Meirnicki passed out, "three girls on the back and two on the front," boobs, running into Bertoletti/Crazy Legs/Badlands, bagpipes, Humble Bob's interview.

LENT JUST GOT HARDER, BUT WHATEV

I just shared a few emails with Liz (also a big UEPa fan) and she explained to me how easy going meat-free really is with the help of some meat substitute products (and how I won't "get sick" from the lack of meat like some people say I will). Her pep talk convinced me to renew my original pledge of NO MEAT during Lent. I mean, how hard can it be? Dinners of grilled cheese, pasta, soup, pancakes and PBJ? Sounds good to me!

UPDATE: Actually, I just remember I bought about half a pound of sliced turkey, so this will start in about 48 hours. Lots of sandwiches until then.

LENT IS EASY

I'm eight days into my "No Red Meat for Lent" experiment (formerly known as "No Meat for Lent") and I have to admit, it's going pretty well. No major beef cravings yet, unless you count that drooling episode with Ultimate Double Whopper sign a few days ago but I would have drooled over that even if it weren't Lent.

Before last night's two Spicy Chicken Crisps, I hadn't had any meat for two days. I really think I could go 100 percent meat free, but everyone insists I'd get physically sick if I did that. I might do NO MEAT for the last 20 days of Lent. Just for fun. Because everyone knows how much fun that is.

By the way, I was told (and Wikipedia confirmed this), that pepperoni contains red meat, thus making it off limits as my topping of choice in next week's office pizza eating contest. Looks like I'll have to go with Plan B -- mushrooms.

MOTHER NATURE IS DEFINITELY A VEGETARIAN

The weather here in central Pennsylvania and pretty much everywhere else in the Northeast United States has been miserable over the last 24 to 36 hours. The icy shitstorm has put a lot of cars in ditches (I've seen a few), but now it's gone too far with this accident north of Harrisburg. According to the Autoblog:

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile may be the most unique and recognizable vehicle on American roads, but even a 7,000-pound hot dog can spin out of control on a patch of ice. The 27-foot-long rolling tribute to pig lips and chicken necks lost its footing and spun into an embankment on highway 15 in Pennsylvania on its way to Penn State for a recruiting visit. Neither of the two women riding in the flailing frankfurter were hurt in the incident, and a tow truck was able to get the over-sized sausage back onto the road.

First of all, what kind of "recruiting visit" does the Wienermobile make at Penn State? Do I even want to know? Secondly, what were two women doing driving the thing? I mean, honestly. The only person allowed to drive the Wienermobile should be a 350-pound guy from Brooklyn named Lou who actually eats hot dogs and slurps a Big Gulp Slushee while he drives. If they're looking for volunteers, I'm available most Saturdays and Sundays.

WING BOWL 16 WAS SORT OF AWESOME

Wing Bowl. Where do I start? Where does anyone start when talking about Wing Bowl? The tailgating? The wings? The strippers? (Sorry..."Wingettes.") I guess I'll just start from the beginning and tell the story with the help of some photos.

A week prior to Wing Bowl, Big Brian Subich (a friend and Wing Bowl competitor) asked me to be a part of his entourage and take some pics of the action. I happily obliged.

10:30 pm - Big Brian's crew and our crew got to the Holiday Inn at the same time only to be told that they weren't allowing tailgating this year, which was really a mystery to me, because why wouldn't you want to open up your parking lot and lobby restroom to hundreds of drunk, rowdy twentysomething year olds?


11:00 pm - After about 30 minutes of driving around in a panic looking for a place to party, we finally set up shop in a parking lot adjacent to Lincoln Financial Field. The gate was open and there were already a few partiers there. It was perfect. Brian's crew pitched a big tent (that's Big B in the foreground), lit a huge grill. We were ready to party, and we did for about an hour until the owner of the lot showed up and politely kicked our asses out.


12:30 pm - After we got booted from Tailgate Lot #1, we moved onto the parking lot at Chicky & Pete's, the bar just outside the sports complex area where the Wing Bowl weigh-in was held earlier that day. Brian's crew didn't set up the tent, but we did fire up the grill and the U-Haul was hoppin'. Here's Evan, Beau and I trying to drink as fast as we could to warm up. Carey and Jill were also there. Brian used the time to catch some Z's in his Caddy. Too bad the cops stopped by around 1:45 am and kicked us all out.


1:30 am - After some more driving (don't worry, we were still very much not drunk), we hit the motherload. A parking lot jam-packed with cars and rowdy drunkeness near Citizen's Bank Park. It was heaven. A woman at the gate was charging $5 per car, which we were happy to pay. This bonfire attracted the local fire department and eventually led to the police breaking up the party around 2:15 am. We watched all the underage crews scatter when the cops showed up. Fearing nothing, we stayed until 3:00 am before finally leaving peacefully. The woman at the gate taking money? She was just someone who decided to cash in by making up her own cover charge. She was arrested.


3:15 am - Weilding the power of our entourage passes, we finagled our way into the Wachovia Center parking lot and partied in what would be our fourth and final location of the night. Here we see Beau and Pete scarfing down some hot dogs.

4:15 am - As a member of Big Brian's entourage and his official photographer, I broke free from the U-Haul crew and headed into the Wachovia Center. Beau and Evan would finally get in and find their seats around 6:15 am...15 minutes before the start of eater introductions.


4:45 am - Each eater's entourage had a clearly marked spot to hang out backstage. Here's Big Brian (right) and his crew waiting. We would wait for about two hours before finally heading into the main event. In the meantime, there was plenty of socializing with fellow eaters and oogling of Wingettes.


5:00 am - Joey Chestnut stops by for a chat. Here we are having a pointing contest. I totally won. The crazy eyes made all the difference.


5:45 am - Dave the Dumpster's Wingettes assemble for a little pep talk. They were peppy.


5:50 am - Pat Bertoletti signs an autograph for a member of Steakbellie's entourage.


6:15 am - Big Brian poses with his Wingettes. Not sure where his left hand is. Just kidding Mrs. Subich, it was in his pocket! (At least it wasn't here.)


6:35 am - We're on the floor and making our rounds. As a member of an entourage, once Brian took the stage I was herded into an area in the center of the arena to watch from up close. While it was awesome vantage point, I left to find Beau and Evan in the upper deck. The main reasons? So I could sit down AND watch the real action on the jumbotron.


Here's some of the "real action." Here's some even better action.


After three hours of pomp, circumstance, eating and boobs, Joey Chestnut wins Wing Bowl 16 by devouring 241 wings (anhiliating his old record of 186). He won a $10,000 Harley for finishing on top in the first round and a $30,000 Toyota Truck for winning the whole thing. Pat Bertoletti finished second with 227 wings. Not bad for a guy who's flight from Chicago was delayed and who didn't end up landing in Philly until about 3:30 am.

A full set of pictures can be seen here.

THE WING BOWL POST GOES UP TONIGHT

I promise.

In other news, my goal of giving up meat for the 40 days of Lent isn't going so well. I've decided to back off my NO MEAT promise and only give up red meat. That's still pretty hard because of all the meats out there, the red is my favorite. No steaks, no burgers, no pepperoni on my pizza. (Wait, it's red in color, but is pepperoni technically red meat? Please say no.) Yesterday I was in the Burger King drive through and they were advertising their new Ultimate Double Whopper with extra bacon. I ordered a spicy chicken crisp and did not enjoy it.

LENT IS HARD

I’ve never done the Lent thing; giving something up – usually a guilty pleasure or some other vice – for 40 days. In fact, I’m not even religious. But this year I’ve decided to give up meat. Not just red meat (as some people suggested), but ALL MEAT.

And the funny thing is, I’m sort of looking forward to it. I mean, I know it’ll suck at times, but when those 40 days are over, that first burger will taste like heaven.

Even though it's only been two days, it’s already been a challenge. On the first night, a group of us went to dinner at a co-worker's house. She made baked macaroni and cheese with bits of bacon throughout. Normally the perfect food, but I had to pick out the bacon and pile it into a tempting little pile of pork on the side of my plate. Picking bacon OUT of my food? THIS is what I've become?! Then yesterday a bunch of us from work went to Five Guys for lunch. They got awesome greasy cheeseburgers. I got a grilled cheese.

I’ve also already failed. Last night after our last dodgeball game of the season (we lost 27 to 5) we went out for beers at Gilligan’s. I instinctively ordered 24 teriyaki wings and before I realized what I’d done, the waitress had already placed the order. Of course I ate them, but I only HALF enjoyed them while thinking about how weak I was. After the last wing I decided to RESTART my meatless Lent today. I’ll keep you posted.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A FASTNACHT?

I'm back. I promise I'm going to get to my Wing Bowl post...sooner or later. Today is Fastnacht Day, in case you didn't know. Fastnachts are basically heavy, plain doughnuts. The day is sort of a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition and it serves as a way to use up all the lard and sugar and other tempting foods before giving them all up for Lent.

Anyhow, we had about five extra boxes of fastnachts laying around the office today, so we put together an impromptu fastnacht eating contest in the conference room at 5 o'clock. Three fastnachts washed down with a Yuengling light lager (the light stuff was all we had leftover from our Super Bowl party). I won. Beau came in second, followed by Billy. Jeremy ate one fastnacht and called it quits. He's kind of a pussy.


It was my first contest using beer. Not too bad except for the burps.


Jeremy plowing into his first fastnacht. He would quit after one.


Beau finishes.


Billy left in a hurry after the contest to "take care of business."

A full set of pics can be seen here.