"It is possible to die from eating. But I think to be professional means you don't die." (Takeru Kobayashi)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

STOP THE PRESSES! (OR AT LEAST SLOW THEM DOWN A LITTLE BIT FOR THE UEPa)

Deena, the organizer of the upcoming hamburger festival said a couple of the local papers wanted a press release about the UEPa and their participation in the eating contest. Since I sort of write press releases for a living, I agreed to throw something together tonight and send it to her tomorrow morning. Below is the release in its entirety.

BURGER WARS: HAMBURG, PA EATING CONTEST
TO HOST UNITED EATERS OF PENNSYLVANIA


HAMBURG, Pa. (August 22, 2007) – A collision of appetites will take place in the small town of Hamburg on September 1 when the United Eaters of Pennsylvania (UEPa) pay a visit as participants in the town’s annual hamburger eating contest. The gastrointestinal challenge is part of Hamburg’s one-day ode to the burger known as the Taste of Hamburg-er Festival.

According to UEPa president Dave “Mega Munch” Shoffner, the competitive eating organization is open to “any Pennsylvanian with a love of food and an insatiable appetite.” The group, which meets for eating contests throughout the state, was founded in 2006 and boasts members from all corners of the Commonwealth, including Pittsburgh, Harrisburg and Philadelphia.

“We operate in a near constant state of readiness and hunger, so when we received the invitation to attend the Taste of Hamburg-er Festival I knew it wouldn’t be difficult to find members willing to participate,” said Shoffner, who describes himself as more of a “desserts and chicken wings man” but predicted a strong showing for himself in the contest.

Joining Shoffner will be fellow UEPa members Carey “The Powerhouse” Poehlmann, a rising star from Willow Grove, Pa., who recently ate 20 pierogies in two minutes to become the Nanticoke, Pa. pierogie eating champion. Also in attendance will be Sterling, Va. resident and honorary UEPa member, Ian “The Invader” Hickman. Hickman’s competitive eating conquests include 137 chicken wings in 30 minutes and 36 whoopie pies in three minutes.

The UEPa will be joined by several local eaters in a race for the title of Hamburger Eating Champion of Hamburg and one "really cool medal." Contestants will have eight minutes to eat as many hamburgers and buns as possible. The showdown will take place at 1:30 p.m. at the Third Street stage area in downtown Hamburg. To register, contact Deena Kershner at 610-562-3106.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Philly Guy said...

If you added some obscure references only 8 people would get, I think the IFOCE would try to hire you.

10:46 PM

 
Blogger Skinnyboy said...

Hey D -

Re-read this sentence:

"Contestants will have eight minutes to each as many hamburgers and buns as possible"

10:56 PM

 
Blogger la beauheme said...

Bummer, yet another event I'll miss because of this girlfriend thing...MM your strategy of getting her involved might just work though.

Good luck and show them your keystones fellas!

Ps. There is a wing fest in Buffalo the same weekend that looks tasty.
http://www.buffalowing.com/

11:32 PM

 
Blogger Carey said...

Skinnyboy, was that the only mistake you could find? Dave, proofread!

11:38 PM

 
Blogger Carey said...

Geez, now it's 8 minutes? They aren't going to have enough hamburgers, and it will end up being a race to finish 8 hamburgers total.

11:40 PM

 
Anonymous Philly Guy said...

I can see it now. The terrorist eating group UEPA eats all the hamburgers for everyone at the Hambug-er fest.

1:25 AM

 
Blogger Mega Munch said...

Good catch Skinny. Fixed. (And that's the only one as far as I know.)

Deena also asked me how many burgers she thinks we'll eat (they're ordering burgers today). I have to get back to her. I hate to make predictions, but I'd say Invader and Carey are good for 15 to 20 each. I'll probably come in somewhere in the 10 to 12 range.

7:23 AM

 
Blogger D. A. Payne said...

Beautiful Dave.... except for leaving founding father Derek "Wing Tut" Payne out.

I so wish I could come.... I'm doing some logistical number crunching to figure out a way.

7:56 AM

 
Blogger Carey said...

“desserts and chickens wings man”
grammatically correct but probably not the best wording. I am a bastard, I know. Almost anal.

8:12 AM

 
Anonymous INVADER said...

You know Dave, the big thing with the burgers depends on three things: time, rules, size. If these things are 1/2 pounders and are to be eaten 'picnic style' then the tally will be significantly smaller than if they were a quarter pound w/ dunking allowed. You may have said but I think we all are wondering those last two pieces of the puzzle cause we already have the time down. Help a brotha out!

9:36 AM

 
Blogger D. A. Payne said...

give ian no info... he's always looking for a leg up on the competition....

and until he learns the geography of Pennsylvania, he gets nothing!

9:45 AM

 
Blogger Mega Munch said...

IAN - They're going to be standard store-bought sized burgers and buns. Probably frozen patties. Picture a standard McDonalds burger...maybe with a little more meat.

TUT - Sorry I left you out. Wasn't thinking. I was focusing on who would be there...and now it sounds like you will. Gotta love that peer pressure.

CAREY - Your a geek. We're changing you're nickname to Carey "The Hungry Grammarian" Poehlmann.

10:13 AM

 
Blogger Carey said...

You're calling me a geek? You still keeping them fantasy Mets stats?

11:15 AM

 
Blogger Mega Munch said...

Maybe.

11:40 AM

 
Blogger D. A. Payne said...

nah... won't be there.
just giving y'all a hard time.

the blog is back baby!

12:07 PM

 
Anonymous INVADER said...

Thanks Dave. It never hurts to have just an idea of what you will be eating. Don't listen to Payne whatsoever. But glad to see the blog is back...WITH a mighty fine picture to boot. Ah, TuT's first contest as an MC. Looks like Hamburg is going to have quite the table of eaters: Mega 'M,' the "Grammararian" and Killer K. Perhaps a showing of Steakbellie, Kuhns and Humble Bob? How about Skinnyboy fly in with Liz to report the contest?!?!

1:30 PM

 
Blogger steakbellie said...

I'm a Company Man, and cant be caught eating with the likes of you guys.
(wink)
I do however intend to make it out to an event someday and share some cold beers!

Rock On UEPA!!

2:40 PM

 
Blogger D. A. Payne said...

Kuhns is also a Pittsburgher!!!

Again, Ian, not likely b/c of distance....

I'm gonna get you a map with little eater flag that you can put where each CE'er lives.

4:26 PM

 

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