STOP THE PRESSES! (OR AT LEAST SLOW THEM DOWN A LITTLE BIT FOR THE UEPa)

Deena, the organizer of the upcoming hamburger festival said a couple of the local papers wanted a press release about the UEPa and their participation in the eating contest. Since I sort of write press releases for a living, I agreed to throw something together tonight and send it to her tomorrow morning. Below is the release in its entirety.

BURGER WARS: HAMBURG, PA EATING CONTEST
TO HOST UNITED EATERS OF PENNSYLVANIA

HAMBURG, Pa. (August 22, 2007) – A collision of appetites will take place in the small town of Hamburg on September 1 when the United Eaters of Pennsylvania (UEPa) pay a visit as participants in the town’s annual hamburger eating contest. The gastrointestinal challenge is part of Hamburg’s one-day ode to the burger known as the Taste of Hamburg-er Festival.

According to UEPa president Dave “Mega Munch” Shoffner, the competitive eating organization is open to “any Pennsylvanian with a love of food and an insatiable appetite.” The group, which meets for eating contests throughout the state, was founded in 2006 and boasts members from all corners of the Commonwealth, including Pittsburgh, Harrisburg and Philadelphia.

“We operate in a near constant state of readiness and hunger, so when we received the invitation to attend the Taste of Hamburg-er Festival I knew it wouldn’t be difficult to find members willing to participate,” said Shoffner, who describes himself as more of a “desserts and chicken wings man” but predicted a strong showing for himself in the contest.

Joining Shoffner will be fellow UEPa members Carey “The Powerhouse” Poehlmann, a rising star from Willow Grove, Pa., who recently ate 20 pierogies in two minutes to become the Nanticoke, Pa. pierogie eating champion. Also in attendance will be Sterling, Va. resident and honorary UEPa member, Ian “The Invader” Hickman. Hickman’s competitive eating conquests include 137 chicken wings in 30 minutes and 36 whoopie pies in three minutes.

The UEPa will be joined by several local eaters in a race for the title of Hamburger Eating Champion of Hamburg and one "really cool medal." Contestants will have eight minutes to eat as many hamburgers and buns as possible. The showdown will take place at 1:30 p.m. at the Third Street stage area in downtown Hamburg. To register, contact Deena Kershner at 610-562-3106.