"COMPETITIVE EATER" ISN'T ON MY BUSINESS CARD

Pretty much every one of the 50 people I work with know that I’m a “competitive eater.” It’s hard not to. I work in an advertising agency and we’re a pretty tight bunch so these types of things have a way of getting out there. And that’s cool, but I think at my next job I’ll keep my quirky little eating hobby a secret. (Just to dispel any rumors, no I’m not actively looking for a new job.)

As much fun as I have eating, I just don’t think it scores me any credibility points in the workplace. And for me, where on any given day I’m expected to dole out public relations advice to support multi-million dollar marketing campaigns, credibility is pretty important.

Then there’s the client situations. It could happen in a social setting or during the small talk at the end of the meeting, but on more than one occasion a well-intentioned co-worker has tried to fill an awkward silence or add to a conversation about food by outing me as a competitive eater. In those situations, I usually do everything short of deny it, saying something like “Aw, I just like a good buffet.” or “I think the announcement of the Eagle’s sponsorship would be better timed for early August.”

I'll admit, I haven't really tried to keep it a secret. Taking part in lunch break mini-competitions and full scale contests in the conference room have blown my cover. Not that I had a cover before then.

But the last reason I’d like to keep the fact that I eat entire pizzas in a matter of minutes to myself is because it’d be kind of cool to live this second, secret life on the weekends and be “Dave the mild-mannered PR guy” from Monday through Friday. At least between 8 am and 5 pm.