MY DEBUT AS A COMPETITIVE EATING EMCEE

From one eating event to another, I’ve been asked to emcee a hot sauce drinking contest this weekend (only because I sure as hell don’t want to participate in it). It’ll take place here in Harrisburg at the annual chili cook-off in our downtown “shopping center,” Strawberry Square. The guy who’s putting together the day’s events is the same event planner who organized the hot dog and wing eating contests that I participated in last year. They're not big contests -- they get most of their eaters by canvassing the crowds immediately beforehand -- but they're fun.

He’s given me full reign to organize a second eating contest to be held one hour after the hot sauce contest. I’ve decided since we’re doing one spicy challenge, it only makes sense that the follow-up event feature foods designed to “put out the fire.” Each contestant will eat 10 saltine crackers, one banana, one pint of ice cream, two slices of cheese and chase it all with a pint of milk. Not much food, but enough to make it interesting.

In the meantime, I have to figure out my “voice” as an announcer. I’ll probably borrow heavily from my experience on the MLE circuit, using far-fetched introductions and back stories about each eater and being generally loud and boisterous. That’ll be interesting and fun for me because I’m not typically loud and boisterous. I’ll get video of both contests and post them for all the world to see. Crap, now I have to figure out what I’m going to wear.