YOU EAT IT, YOU BUY IT

One of the criticisms (maybe the only real criticism) about competitive eating is that it's "a waste of food" and "people in Sudan/Somalia/Tulsa are starving."

Blame it on my evolving politics, but I sort of agree. Well, the latter statement about Sudan is pretty much a fact, so you have to agree with that one. And the former, well, that's open to interpretation, but given the amount of food wasted every day at Old Country Buffets across the nation (to say nothing of how much is thrown away at closing time), it seems like the amount of food "wasted" at the average competitive eating table is like a drop in the bucket -- if the bucket were the size of small to medium-sized lake.

Anyhow, I've decided to try to make it right by my conscience. Not by giving up competitive eating, but by giving back a little bit to those who need the calories more than I do. To do so, I'll be donating the monetary value of all the food that I eat in competitions to America's Second Harvest, a network that helps collect and distribute more than 2 billion pounds of food to 25 million low-income hungry Americans each year. It's also the charity that the IFOCE donates to. In fact, if you donate here, the IFOCE will match your total. Not too shabby.

My own contributions started with last week's hot dog contest in Lancaster. At two bucks each, the 9 and a half hot dogs I ate equal a $19 donation to America's Second Harvest. And if, according to the A2H website, every dollar helps distribute 20 pounds of food, then my pathetic performance will move 380 pounds of breakfast, lunch and dinner to families across the nation. If you put it that way, I didn't do too badly.

Future donations will include food eaten in IFOCE competitions ($6 for the shoo fly pies and $14 for the Three Brothers pizzas) and food eaten in local competitions. They'll also include food consumed for personal challenges (like the Wendy's Dollar Menu throwdown in my office).

It's funny. One of the running jokes in competitive eating circles is that even if you lose the contest, at least you'll have gotten a free meal. Well, this new system of giving back sort of eliminates that perk. In fact, the more I eat, the more I'll have to give, but I hope that that will actually inspire me to eat more. Of course, the pride of winning the contest (and maybe some extra money) will inspire me too!

Before I sign off, I want to make it clear that I'm not talking about all of this because I want a pat on the back or to guilt others into giving or any of that crap. I just wanted to put it out there just in case anyone else felt the same way. And if you do, just stop by this page, have your credit card ready and be prepared to feel pretty okay about yourself afterwords.