"It is possible to die from eating. But I think to be professional means you don't die." (Takeru Kobayashi)

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Giant Hamburger Kit reaps giant rewards?

SuperSizedMeals.com is known for its photos of do-it-yourself giant burgers, but this website offers a "Giant Hamburger Kit" that promises to take some of the work out of the process. Well, at least the bun-making part. I should warn you, the website probably won't win any design awards anytime soon. The homepage alone will testify to that. (What's with the freaky floating torso woman sawing into the burger?)

For $29.95 you get "one 16 inch giant bun, one 16x16 box, one 16 inch serving tray, giant meat patty maker, and a step by step instruction book." The only thing you have to provide is 10 pounds of ground beef. So what, it's a $30 bun in a cardboard box, right? Well, one interesting thing on the site is a contest that pays a cool $1,000 to anyone who can eat their giant hamburger in 60 minutes or less. All you have to do is make the burger according to the instructions, top it with all of the required condiments, set up your video camera and start eating.

The folks behind the contest are very specific about what is and isn't allowed to happen during the "tapping" of the eating attempt. Below are the rules. Any spelling errors or awkward syntax is theirs, not mine. (Did they just call me a dip?)

"No one can walk in front of camera at any time. 3. With video camera still tapping and your burger dressed your friend/contestants can start eating the giant hamburger mark the time they only have 60 minutes to finish eating the burger. At the end of 60 minutes the contest is over. You can drink, dip. What ever works for you? No! Breaks or stopping the video camera at anytime make sure the video camera is running from start of dressing burger to the end of the 60 minutes. Otherwise your tape will be rejected by our judges follow all the rules mail us your tape To: The Giant Hamburger and good luck."

Is there a rare form of Tourette's Syndrome that causes random fits of shitty, misplaced punctuation? Who knows. Here's a random plug for the page that features the office pot luck photos. Don't miss it.

The site also has a
contest in which you can send in a picture of your burger and if it gets the most votes, you win $1,000. (How many of these damn kits do they sell that they can give away all this money?) The contest starts when they receive 25 photo submissions and it then runs for 60 days. Right now there are only four entries, but if the other 21 entries are anything like the ones that are already up there, I think I'd have a good chance of winning. So far, the entries feature a baby and giant burger, a woman doing her best Linda Lovelace impression with a giant burger, a giant burger with giant fries, and a couple staring awkwardly at a giant burger.

Even though I don't think they'll ever get 21 more entries, I seriously think I could win this thing. First of all, I could take a pretty awesome picture of my giant burger. I won't throw out any ideas here because they're kind of rough, but I will say that they do involve a baby, possibly multiple babies. Second, how many people actually visit this website? It wouldn't take much to tip the scales in my favor. I know a lot of people and they know a lot of people and if all of those people voted for my picture -- which may or may not contain a baby(ies) -- I'd win!

Yeah, I'm totally doing this.


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