Californians don't realize how good they've got it

At right, in all of its simplistic glory, is an In-N-Out Burger menu. Note the emphasis of the "burger" as the main course. You'll find no McFried Fish concoctions or Asiago Grilled Spicy Chicken sandwiches. Just burgers, drinks, fries and shakes. How can you not love that? (It also makes it really easy to order when your ordering skills are slightly diminished for various reasons.)

I really can't explain it. I've never been to an In-N-Out Burger -- never even seen one in real life, since they're all located on the West Coast -- but I already love them and their food. I guess it's all those disgustingly delicious pictures of towering In-N-Out frankenburgers that I've seen bouncing around the blogosphere.

(Feel free to make the photo at left your desktop background. Seriously, it looks cool and it'll make everyone think you spent some time in California.)

Another thing that makes me love them is their mega munching-friendly menu. You see, at In-N-Out you can order a burger of any size (and no size is too large) simply by mumbling a few numbers. For example a "3x3" (pronounced "thh-REE bye thh-REE") gets you an In-N-Out cheeseburger with three beef patties and three slices of cheese. Order a 15x15 and you'll get a greasy, cheesy tower roughly one foot tall. Order a 100x100 and you get this. It's that easy!

And then there's the "secret menu." Order your burger "animal style" and you get it fried in mustard and served with extra spread and onions ("spread" being a signature Thousand Island dressing-based condiment).
Order it "protein style" and you get a bunless burger wrapped in lettuce. You can even order your fries "light" (a little raw) or "well" (cooked a little longer). I'm seriously considering booking a flight to LA as we speak.

In the meantime, chew on these facts about In-N-Out while I pay a visit to Travelocity:

• Starting pay at all In-N-Out Burger franchises is $9.00 and all full-time employees are given complete benefits.
• Tom Cruise is an admitted In-N-Out junkie, to the point that he's commissioned the In-N-Out Cookout Trailer to cater the sets of many of his movies. (The trailer is also available for corporate picnics, Bar Mitzvah's and other events.)
• When the drive-thru line is too long, an employee will walk the line of cars, taking orders and relaying them to the kitchen via a PDA-like device.
• In-N-Out does not accept American Express.
• There are no freezers in In-N-Out restuarants. All menu items are delivered fresh and kept in large, walk-in refrigerators.
• In 1992, In-N-Out opened its first non SoCal location in Las Vegas. It has since opened little slices of heaven in Arizona and Nevada. (Note to In-N-Out executives: Round trip plane tickets to LA aren't cheap, so please consider opening a franchise in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania at your earliest convenience.)