Friends don't let friends drive hungry

The number crunchers at Insure.com just released a list of the "10 Most Dangerous Foods to Eat While Driving." Your friend and mine, the hamburger (happy hamburger month!), came in at a somewhat risky number five on the round-up. The other offenders, in order of most dangerous to...still a bit dangerous, are as follows:

1. Coffee
2. Hot soup
3. Tacos
4. Chili
5. Hamburgers
6. Barbecued food
7. Fried chicken
8. Jelly or cream-filled donuts
9. Soft drinks
10. Chocolate

Okay, right off the top I have to say I agree with hot soup, particularly french onion soup. That's the stuff with the gooey cheese on the top and the one they tell you never to order on a date or job interview lunch, so it makes perfect sense not to eat it during your trip back to the office.

I'm not sure why soft drinks made the list. Why soft drinks? Why not milk or iced tea or apple juice? (I've since been informed that "soft drinks" can be used to refer to any non-alcoholic drink. Who knew?! Okay, probably a lot of you.) And what's so hard about eating chocolate? Bite the chocolate bar, chew, savor, swallow, repeat. Not that difficult.

Here's a few deadly snacks I'd recommend adding to the list:

- Spaghetti and meatballs (All that twisting of the fork and slurping of the noodles. And we won't even get into those pesky meatballs.)

- Crab legs (That little shell cracker thing is a handy tool, but it takes just one squirt of crab juice in the eye and your Hyundai is kissing the rear end of the Porsche in front of you.)

- The Big Texan 72-ounce steak (Yeah, we can pretty much consider any food that requires utensils to be dangerous, but this one requires a fork and a knife and a Kobayashi-sized appetite.)

I could go on and on (habanero peppers, white rice with chopsticks, really really hot and cheesy pizza), but you get the point.