"It is possible to die from eating. But I think to be professional means you don't die." (Takeru Kobayashi)

Friday, April 21, 2006

"Why is this not the worst of America?"

Dug up a transcript of Ryan Nerz's appearance on The Daily Show. I saw the interview, and overall it was very good. Jon Stewart had a lot of fun with it, as you would expect. There's something about transcripts...I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the way they cause your brain to create corresponding mental pictures while you're reading them. Especially if you're already familiar with Jon Stewart's deadly sarcasm and perfect comedic timing.

STEWART: Nice to see you. Thanks for coming on.

NERZ: Thank you.

STEWART: The book is called Eat This Book. This is the paperback…I’m sure it also comes on a bun, if you will?

NERZ: (Laughs, takes drink)

STEWART: How did you get involved in the sport of competitive eating? Are you a person who indulges in the sport? Are you a writer about the sport? What are you exactly?

NERZ: Well I started out, I wrote an article about a competitive eater named Badlands Booker…

STEWART: (inaudible)…Badlands Booker

NERZ: (smiling) …you know Badlands Booker.

STEWART: You don’t have to explain to our audience. (audience laughter)

NERZ: He’s a competitive eater, a conductor on the 7 train in New York and also has two hip-hop competitive eating albums. (audience laughter) I’m sure you’ve heard, “Hungry & Focused”.

STEWART: “Hungry & Focused”, yeah, I enjoy rap that’s influenced by eating. (audience laughter)

NERZ: Right.

STEWART: Fat Joe comes to mind. (pause) What is this, and why is this not the worst of America?

NERZ: (looking slightly perplexed)

STEWART: When you look at…there are so many places that are, you know, let’s say devoid of food and here we are going, “I can eat 50 of those hot dogs and get no nutrition from them. In your face Ethiopia!” You know. How is that…what is the idea behind it?

NERZ: (smiling) Well, I can see your point, but I mean… (audience laughter) You know, competitive eating, it’s the fastest growing sport in the country. It’s a very American sport, of course. We’re celebrating, you know, plenty in America and people don’t complain about NASCAR wasting gas.

STEWART: That is an excellent point, sir. Well taken! (audience laughter) I would like to see a gas guzzling contest…(audience laughter)…by competitive drinkers. What is the trick to this, because the guys that are doing it you would think would be gigantic, but the kid Kobayashi from Japan is skinny.

NERZ: Yeah, that’s right. Well, there’s a theory called the “Belt of Fat Theory.” I’m sure you’re familiar with it.

STEWART: You know who told me about that? Booker.

NERZ: Booker. Badlands.

STEWART: Badlands Booker.

NERZ: Yes, indeed. The Belt of Fat theory says that the layer of fat that makes a belly…that adipose tissue, actually restricts the stomach’s ability to expand, so it is a disadvantage to have a belly. Those little guys can actually eat more.

STEWART: How hard to you have to work to make this thing seem legitimate? (laughter, clapping) (Stewart laughing) I love the idea that you’re like, “The adipose tissue…” It’s not even fat anymore, it’s adipose tissue.

NERZ: Well I haven’t even gotten into the esophageal sphincters. (audience laughter, Stewart laughing buries his face on his desk)

STEWART: That is an excellent point, though. Why don’t 53 hot dogs just immediately come back up?

NERZ: Well, because Kobayashi trains…he trains his esophageal sphincters…

STEWART: Yes. (audience laughter, Steward stifling laughter)

NERZ: …which is…is….(laughing)

STEWART: Can I tell you, my gym just got an esophageal sphincter machine… (audience/Nerz/Stewart laughing) …and I’ve been on it every day and I can feel a difference. I am really keeping the doughnuts down. (audience/Nerz/Stewart laughing) Alright, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead…

NERZ: No, I mean, he does though…he trains. Actually he gains about 45 pounds two months before the Nathan’s Famous Contest on the Fourth of July, then he loses all that weight, according to the Belt of Fat theory because you don’t want that weight you down because the stomach of a small person actually has as much capacity as that of a large person and he just maintains that elasticity going into the contest.

(Cut to footage of 2005 Nathan’s contest)

STEWART: That’s him, they’re showing him eating there. Right there. Do you get points…is it purely a game of speed and volume or is there like a slalom? Is there points for, "Man, he ate and did a split.” (audience laughter) Is there…is there style points for this thing?

NERZ: Not at present. I mean, we’re moving towards that. (audience laughter) I like the way you think.

STEWART: It’s the fastest growing sport in the world.

NERZ: It is the fastest growing sport in the world, that’s right.

STEWART: Now are you saying by including, by saying it’s the fastest growing sport in the world…are you including people who just go out to eat? (audience/Nerz/Stewart laughter)

NERZ: Touché. (takes drink) (audience/Stewart laughter)

STEWART: What is, what is…is the grand daddy of this…the World Series of this the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest?

NERZ: Yeah. At present, the Nathan’s Famous is the biggest event. There’s also the Wing Bowl, which is mayhem…(member of audience claps)…someone likes the Wing Bowl…20,000 people show up at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia at 7 in the morning to watch large men eat chicken wings as fast as they can. (audience laughter) (Stewart laughing and clapping)

STEWART: I can’t think of a better way to spend a morning. It is a fascinating, compelling and very funny world and thank you very much for coming on, I appreciate it. Eat the Book…Eat This Book is on bookshelves now. Ryan Nerz everybody! (clapping)

technorati tags:


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have the most awesome blogs here. I like all your humor articles. Please have some more article on Corporate Humor or Microsoft Humor. I read this article, Bill Gates in Heaven on SharingArena. It was really at par with the article on your site. But still, your site is the best.


8:15 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home