HOW ARE YOUR GRADES?

As long as I've been a CE fan and eater, the sport has always been loosely compared to WWF style wrestling (yes, I know it's WWE now, but it'll always be WWF to me). Roughly translated: both are individual "sports" (in quotation marks because...are they really?), both feature mostly men and some women attempting feats that seem impossible and somehow unreal, and both are heavy on personality and schtick.

But how important is "personality and schtick" when it comes to being a successful eater? Philly Guy made a point on that last post when he said "you don't need to have a gimmick (to have) charisma. Pat, Rick, and Kobe aren't dancing around in dumb costumes and acting like fools and people love them. I'm not a fan of making the MLE the WWE."

I hear what the Philly Guy is dishing out, but I'd contend that Pat, Rick (?), and Koby have trancended the need to pour on the personality by using their awesome eating powers. Unfortunately, we're not all blessed with the ability to eat 21 pounds of grits in one sitting.

Maybe it's like this: Your success as an eater/entertainer (remember, in the end, every contest is about entertaining a crowd) is based on an unseen eater report card. Maybe that report card looks like this:

• "THE KOBY FACTOR" - This is based on physical eating ability. What kind of numbers you can put up that will leave the audience in shock and grab the attention of the media? Those who rely heavily on this area: Joey, Chip, Bob Shoudt, Pat Bertoletti.

• "THE CRAZY LEGS FACTOR" - What is your ability to entertain and engage the crowd? How memorable are you, regardless of how many hot dogs you can eat? (Though some still eat a lot of hot dogs.) Eaters who excel here: Dale Boone, Tim Janus, El Toro, Pat Philbin.

• "THE LEFEVRE FACTOR" - How likeable are you? This is closely related to the Crazy Legs Factor, but includes an eater's ability to connect with fans and make them like you--and competitive eating--before you even take a bite. Stars here include Sonya Thomas, Steakbellie, Juliet Lee.

Most eaters have a little bit of all three. Some eaters specialize in one over the others. And some, like Eater X, are triple threats, with high scores in every category.

My point is, if you begin to rate eaters based on these categories, you can begin to see why some eaters were chosen for the Spike contest and how some eaters are actually more valuable performers than higher ranked guys like Joey Chestnut and, dare I say, Takeru Kobayashi? I've said it before and I'll say it again, If I were starting a new CE league and had the opportunity to draft one MLE eater, it would be either Eater X or Crazy Legs. Then I'd hire Vince McMahon as my league president.